i wonder what it would be like to go into space... i have never really wanted to go out of my comfort zone... i have said that i would bungy jump but would i really jump off a bridge? and if i was going to do it you would think i would have done it already... maybe i'm just too fukking scared of what might happen... i always think the worst and when something good happens then i am pleasantly surprised... as i get older i am starting to think that that is a pretty shit way to live your life... waiting on bad shit to happen... i find now i am a father i am far more positive than when i was in my twenties... i mean, i couldn't have got more negative to be honest... i should have really been on medication... but then i think medicating yourself is like going into space... like you would be constantly floating... maybe waiting to get hit by the next space rock, but not really thinking that it might happen... and in your suit you would feel safe... like the rock was not really going to tear your suit open and suck out all the air in your body until you implode... things would look beautiful... you would gaze upon the earth in a dreamlike haze... everything would seem great... everything would seem to be moving slower... i wish time was going slower... having kids really speeds your life up and you come to realise the actual pace of life as you hit the 1st birthday and then the second and then the 3rd and so on and so on... i wish things were slower... i wish that i could spend more time gazing at this earth and everything on it and see it all as beautiful... i wish i didn't worry... i wish it all seemed like endless space and the there was an excitement that gripped me about the unknown... i wish i didn't think that my air could run out at any second...
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