i can't really believe it's been so long... i still remember the day it happened... kurt cobains death effected me in a huge way... maybe it was the way he went... maybe it was the thought of a musical landscape without him... maybe it was both, but for somebody i never knew, or was ever going to know, i felt like i lost a friend... kurt cobains music was with me during a whole lot of my first big experiences in life in my early 20's... first girlfriend... first breakup... all that shit... nirvana was always there for me when sometimes it seemed like nothing else ever was... like all his fans, kurt brought you into his world, and made it really personal, but without really ever giving too much of himself away... the lyrics we meaningful, but oblique enough for you to make your own conclusions and draw your own parallels... eventually kurt did feel like he had given too much of himself away i guess and decided it was better not to be here... i think about what music he might have made but i will never actually hear it... i think about what he would have been doing now and i wonder what he would have looked like... i do know i still would have been a fan... he was never going to do no wrong in my eyes... even going out like he did, because thats the way a lot of his fans were feeling... as i have gotten older though, maybe like me, i'm sure his angst and feelings about how bad (but not really) it was to be alive in your twenties, super stardom or not, really was... i think he would have enjoyed his life eventually... he would have enjoyed being a dad... he would have somehow wanted to stay alive forever, like you do as you get older... lucky for us his art has kept him alive... he's always there and he always will be... just like a really good friend should be... thanks kurt... i don't know you but i love you... i am your fan...
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